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Top 10 things you'll never hear one man say to another
10. I'm tired of beer. What say you to a nice, fruity Chablis?
9. I can't stop fantasizing about Dr. Ruth!
8. Yours is bigger than mine.
7. I think those big, jacked-up trucks look ridiculous.
6. There's nothing I like more than a quiet evening at home, watching a movie on Lifetime about some woman who gives up her baby and then suffers miserably.
5. Want all my tools? I just realized I never do anything useful with them!
4. You know what always makes me cry? Those long-distance commericals.
3. I'm deeply offended by young women who go bra-less.
2. Our team lost 10-1. But we tried our best, and after all that's the important thing.
1. Does my butt look fat in this?
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Top 10 things you'll never hear one woman say to another
10. That swimsuit really flatters your figure! Would you mind keeping my husband company while I go for a swim?
9. Oh, look, that woman and I have the same dress on! I think I'll go introduce myself!
8. His new girlfriend is thinner and better-looking than I am, and I'm happy for them both.
7. If he doesn't let me hold the remote, I get all moody.
6. He earned more than I do, so I broke up with him.
5. I'm sick of dating doctors and lawyers! Give me a good old-fashioned waiter with a heart of gold any day!
4. We're redecorating the bedroom, and he keeps bugging me to help him with the color choices!
3. He talks our relationship to death! It's making me crazy!
2. Why can't I find a guy who'll have a wild carefree night of sex and then just go his seperate way for once?
1. I just realized -- my butt doesn't look fat in this -- my butt is fat!
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Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery
Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop.
Bo-Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!
Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
Hand me that....uh....that uh....thingie.
Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?
Darn, there go the lights again...
Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy's got two of 'em.
Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
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